Shifting Your Internal Dialogue Through Self-Awareness

Do you ever really pay attention to the way you speak to yourself—your internal dialogue? I didn’t start paying close attention to mine until a few years ago, and I realized how self-destructive it can be. I had normalized it for so long that I didn’t even notice it. When we train our brains to repeat certain behaviors, they become ingrained, and changing them can be challenging.

We often expect others to treat us with kindness and support, especially during difficult times. We look for others to make us feel better, but we forget to offer ourselves the same kindness and compassion that we so desperately seek from others.

Our internal dialogue is there all day long, constantly running in the background. It becomes normal for that dialogue to be anything but kind—often filled with self-criticism and judgment. We tend to be so hard on ourselves, sometimes hurting ourselves more than anyone else ever could, just through the way we speak to ourselves.

When your internal dialogue is persistently negative and self-critical, what kind of emotions are you cultivating towards yourself?

But how can we start to shift this? Here are some key point:

• Observe your behavior towards yourself. Awareness is always the first step. Start by paying attention to your internal dialogue and just listen without judgment. If you find yourself criticizing your thoughts, it can create an endless cycle. Simply observe.

• Speak to yourself like you would to a loved one. Think about how you support the people you love when they have problems. Can you start speaking to yourself with the same care and compassion?

• Celebrate your small victories. As you become more aware of your inner dialogue, you might notice how much you focus on what you do wrong and how hard you can be on yourself. Instead, try to acknowledge every little thing you do right. Celebrate small achievements and feel proud of yourself.

• Notice your emotions. Observe the emotions that arise from your internal dialogue. For example, when you're criticizing yourself, take a moment to notice how that makes you feel. Again, observe without judgment—just feel.

• Cultivate compassion and gratitude. Can you start developing emotions like compassion and gratitude towards yourself? A helpful practice for me is to remember myself as a little girl— seeing myself and my journey from a different perspective. It reminds me how I’ve tried my best in every situation with the tools I’ve had at the moment. It reminds me that I’m a human like any other, who makes mistakes, learns, has accomplished so much and is constantly growing.

• Create a real relationship with yourself. Spend quality time with yourself just as you would with those you love. Pick activities you enjoy doing alone and try to make time for them every day.

• Ask yourself daily: "What can I do today to make myself feel better, to help me get through the day more easily?"

  
  

All of these practices are key not just to shifting your internal dialogue and emotions through self-awareness, but ultimately to building a better relationship with yourself. Remember, it all starts within. The relationship you have with yourself reflects in how you live your life and how you relate to others. It begins with you.